*1 Hour, 45 Minutes, and 20 Seconds*

My name is Latonya Jackson and I am 17 years old. I was born and raised here in Atlanta, Georgia. I am in the full stages of AIDS. I contracted HIV 3 years ago at the age of 14. I am writing this because the doctors are about to pull the plug on my life in exactly 1 hour, 45 minutes, and 20 seconds. This is my story:

I am the youngest girl with 3 brothers. So not only am I spoiled, but I am also ROTTEN. Living in the ATL has been a blast. The people in my neighborhood are always getting in trouble. Whether it is from the cops or drug dealers, I don't know who is around the most. My friends and I are real close. It's 5 of us deep and we all grew up together. I am the ringleader of course because that's what I do. My clique includes Keisha, Rakia, Sparkle, and Shareefa.

My mom married my dad who is a trifling, good-for-nothing man. Every time he walks in the room, or I smell his cologne, I want to hurl. You probably thinking I am wrong for feeling this way but let me explain my feelings. This one day the age of thirteen (my birthday) I was so excited. My mom told me we were going to Hawaii for a family trip and to spend my birthday there. My mom bought me the finest clothes and I was really "ballin." My mom makes an announcement that her job called and she couldn't come along. So the trip included my 3 brothers, my dad, and I. I am excited because I can't wait to show off my new bikini. I finally got some hips and some breast, so I doved into the water as soon as we arrived. After I finish swimming and meeting new people, I head back to the hotel. My dad informs me that my brothers went to the arcade. I toke a shower and started getting comfortable. While watching TV with my dad, a hotline commercial comes on. After it finishes my dad starts to act strange. He sits closer to me and puts his hand on my knee. He tells me how pretty I am and how I've grown so nicely. I kindly thank him and feeling uncomfortable, I get up. He shoves me back onto the couch and unzips his pant zipper. I ask, "What are you doing?" He replies, "Hush, just go with it." And begins to cover my mouth. He unzips my zipper to my shorts and climbs on top of me. I begin to yell but the towel wrapped around my mouth is preventing any sounds coming out. After fighting with him I feel a hard thing insert my private area. I later found out that it was his penis. I was screaming out so much in pain that I passed out. I awake moments later and see blood around my private area.

My flesh and blood father took my innocence and awakened something in me. My dad told me "if you say anything to your mom or anyone else, I will kill you!" When my brothers came back, I ran into my room and cried myself to sleep. I rarely came out of my room and avoided any contact with my dad. Seeing my mom was the happiest feeling I've ever felt. I've caught on to my dad's routine. When no one is around he treats me like he did on the couch. I try my hardest to stay with someone. Late at night, I try to act a sleep so he won't touch me, and sometimes it works.

In my neighborhood, my friends and I are the dime pieces. Every girl want to be like us, and all they guys want us, or a chick like us. My girl Keshia is very sexually active. She lost her virginity to her dad at the age of 10. Ever since, she is always beneath or on top of some guy. One time she had two guys with her. My friend lost her virginity to the biggest drug dealer. She was 13 and he was 16. My friend Sparkle is more conservative. Don't get me wrong, she is sexually active too, but she wants a real relationship with her man. She is such a lame! Now my girl Shareefa is a trip. She is so out there that no girl can keep up with her. As you can see, all of us are sexually active and loving it.

In a way I guess I am glad my dad opened up this door in my life on having sex. Sex is enjoyable and amazing. My total number of guys I had sex with is 45. I'm trying to beat my girls. I'm in the lead but they are catching up fast. I done it all, 3-somes, 4-somes, anything you can think of, I did it. I invented it.

I met my current boyfriend in my neighborhood. He is the type of guy that all the girls want. He always has money and is respected by everyone. He is a smooth talker also. When I first saw him and had relations with him, I thought it would be just a one time thing. I didn't know I would fall in love with him. We've been dating for some time now and things are going great. I get everything I want and that's how I like it.

My next door neighbor had to move because they were crack heads and behind in bills. The new neighbor is my wors nightmare. The lady that moved in is the reason I am dying now. She is around 23 or so and is just as promiscuous as I am. She's a money grabber and hopped on my man the minute she saw him. He was trying to juggle us both and didn't think he would get caught. Well he did, or shall I say we all did!

While I was in the room listening to CHRIS BROWN, I heard my brothers telling me to pick up the phone. I picked up and said "Hello!" The person on the other side said "This is Ricky, come over now!" He could have said PLEASE but what do I care. When I arrived, his door was ajar and I easily went in. He is mad! At this point he is sweating and catching attitudes. I tried to calm him down, and tell him everything will be okay. He then started acting like someone I was uncomfortable with (my dad). He then shoves me on the bed and holds me still. I'm looking confused and scared at the same time. He says, "Do not say anything!" and covers my mouth. We begin to have sex but not like we usually do. He is controlling the situation and for the first time he starts to hurt me.
This took me back to my birthday trip in Hawaii. Ironically enough, it's my 14th birthday as well. I begin to cry harder and harder. After he is finished, he removes his hands from my mouth. I wipe my eyes and ask, "what was that for???" he tells me that hoe that lives by me gave him HIV!!! "If I'm going to die, then so are you!" The man I thought I loved and loved me back just killed me. He didn't literally put a gun to my head, but he might as well. Now I had to cope with my life realizing I will never become an adult. I will never get married and have children. I will never watch my children graduate. I will never graduate from high school, and I will never experience the feeling of coming home from work being tired. If I had to live my life over, I probably wouldn't because I will still have my dad to rape me. I blame you Joshua Alton Jackson. I hope you are reading this because you messed up my life.

Now I have exactly 10 minutes. I felt so much pain to the time I was with my dad til now on my dying bed. AIDS is nothing to play with or take lightly. It has made me skinner than I am usually. My face looks disoriented. I don't recognize myself anymore.

"Excuse me m'am, can I have some water?"...................."Thank You!" They just informed me I have 10 seconds. I want to say I love you mom and to my girls, you keep on and next you will be where I am.
Shall we count down together................5,4,3,2...............Goodby_____